happy anniversary

So maybe this conversation happened on the phone tonight:

My little brother: "Hey, I just called to wish you guys a happy anniversary. Too bad we aren't in town, or we'd watch the girls for you."

Me: "Oh, that's alright. I'm just picking up broken glass from the Pyrex that exploded on the stove while I was making dinner, leaving butter and glass everywhere; and Beloved is watching the Tinkerbell movie, changing a diaper, and cleaning up spit up."

Little brother (who has been married 2 years and has no offspring): "Wow, I guess anniversaries change over the years."

Me: "Yup. Just a little bit."

But I still wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Thanks for my favorite 7 years & a whole lot of memories.

some of the best words ever

"Mom, I wanna help you clean da house. Da whole house. Can we start now?"

Umm, well, yes, yes we can. Now how can I get this to last through adolescence?

be still my heart

Well, if that doesn't just make everything better then I don't know what will. Pink called me while I was sitting here at my desk doing lesson plans. When she was done talking she put daddy on the phone, who asked me to say something to Lizzie. I felt a tiny bit ridiculous for about a nanosecond. Then I brought it up a couple octaves and broke out my best motherese, and... she smiled!

Beloved said she smiled a ton when she heard my voice on the phone. She does love me. Sigh. I can finish working now.

i miss lizzie

Today is my fourth day in a row away from her. It's back to work and back to reality this week. I didn't cry the first day away from her, though I did choke up a little. But when I handed her off yesterday so I could go to a dentist appt, I hated it. My instincts resisted letting her go. When I got a break at work today to pump, my heart longed for her. When she wasn't very interactive with me yesterday, I just knew that it was because she was either mad at me or had forgotten me. Logically, all my child development education tells me that isn't true. But I miss her and my heart hurts anyway.

I've been leaving Pink for three years now. I don't like it, but I'm used to it and she's used to it. Our relationship has survived just fine. In a way, this encourages me to be optimistic with Lizzie. I know that we will be just fine. But Lizzie is still my baby girl. She's still only 12 weeks old. And it's still hard to remember that she'll still love me, that I will get used to the time away from her, and that we will get through this.

I just miss her today.

how do you say goodbye?

It was pouring rain that Sunday in February when we laid our eyes on a sweet, brown-eyed girl. We went in search of a puppy to add to our household, and we found baby #1. She rode home on my lap in the backseat of our SUV, all wet and shy. She'd come from a home with approximately 100 dogs, so we started trying to guess which breeds she had in her: Chow Chow for sure (she has a purple tongue), perhaps some of the German Shepherd I'd dreamed about as a child, some boxer maybe...

That was five years ago.

Keiko fit into our family in no time, flat. She was our travel dog when we took car trips, she was our trail dog when we went hiking, and she was our water dog when we went to the bay or beach. She was always nervous on the waverunner but her love for and devotion to us were so fierce that she couldn't help but tag along.

When we had Pink, Keiko lost her place as #1 baby. In all honesty, it became a struggle (at times a huge struggle) to fit her in to a baby/toddler routine in a cramped condo. The morning and evening walks weren't bonding time as much as they were another chore to be accomplished in the midst of a busy schedule. But even when I wanted to find another home for her, desperate to take away the burden of regularly caring for her, my heart was grieved that we had lost the glory days with her.

Last night, we watched as a red Ford Ranger disappeared into a sea of traffic with our brown-eyed girl inside. She is moving in with my brother and sister-in-law in their new house in Phoenix. She will be better for it. They will be better for it. We will be better for it. Even Pink, who reminds us regularly, "But, I will miss her," will be better for it. Somehow. Right now, it just feels raw, like we somehow lost that baby #1 and became a family who didn't deserve her, and I'm sad that we can't have her back. We could, of course, if we moved to a pet-friendly apartment and changed our schedules around quite a bit. Or if we had a house with a yard. But really, she will be better because of the change and the new family who will love on her as she needs. And we will focus on what lies ahead with two girls and two working parents.

It was sunny and beautiful the day we gave her up.

How poetic that the weather was just as ironic the day she found her way into our hearts as it was the day we let her go.

the #1 reason to always be organized in every area of life:

Because if you're not always organized, and you do something like, say, toss part of your baby's play gym into a random box somewhere when she's 1.5 years old, by the time your next child arrives 1.5 years later and you move into a smaller place, the play gym will be a thing of the past.

Seriously, I'm going crazy looking for the missing piece. I have the floor mat and one arch, which of course doesn't stand up without the other arch. I've made significant headway in this area since Lizzie was born, but I'm paying for past negligence in a big way.

Ughh.

ummm...

After almost a month offline, I'm stumped about how to get going again. So I'll start the new year off with my favorite Christmas present, and my favorite photo.

Favorite present: the first slobbery, wet kiss from a sweet little 2 month old

Favorite photo: Nevermind. Beloved is going to have to set up the camera again before I can share the photo. Oh, the suspense. It'll nearly kill ya, I'm sure.