God does not want me posting pictures

Am I too prideful?
Do I feel a need to measure up?
Have I looked to the blog world to give me a sense of self-worth?

The answer to at least one of these questions must be "yes," or God would surely help me find a way to upload some pictures of my kiddos (especially the rapidly growing, 13 pounder). This was supposed to be a "Wordless Wednesday" post. But alas, He has other plans for me. Plans that do not involve displaying those two beauties for all to see.

The camera is in excellent working order once again, and yet we have no downloads happening. Because... the cord that connects the two is missing. Here sits a perfectly good camera with so many cute pictures, just centimeters away from the computer on which I blog, and yet they are still so far away.

I realize you don't believe me when I say that I have tried, and will continue to try, posting pictures. But I will. Really. And it will happen sometime before they graduate from high school.

out on a limb here

a new look! and this time i didn't lose absolutely everything in my blog over the course of 3 frustrating hours, though it did take me a moment to figure out how to log in.

so... what d'ya think?

check back tomorrow

because I'll be one year old! And I also have something up my sleeve. All kinds of exciting things in store...

it's not actually writer's block

Technically I think writer's block is when a writer truly has nothing coming to mind. For me, it's just one big case of memory loss. As in, every time I think of something great to blog about, I forget it before I can write it down somewhere.

And since our digital camera fell into the hands of a poor man who saw it in our car and was just desperate to have something to document the lives of his ten children (that's what I like to tell myself, and not that someone sold it on the street), I've had a hard time even getting pics of Pink up here.

So we're quite boring at the Sources of Joy household. Sorry! But with Disneyland on Friday this week (in the rain with two toddlers, no less), there should be enough material for a while. So come back next week and bear with me! :)

help please

if you know that i've visited your site before, PLEASE comment here so i have your address. i can't find my links and i have no way to visit my favorite people! the sadness continues...

yes, i'm bitter

Part of the reason I was reluctant to blog in the first place is that I fully understand how to use paper and a pen. I can write just fine that way. I also understand how to print a picture and stick it in a shoe box. I'm quite adept at keeping records in journals and shoe boxes. Things that can't be found in a dictionary or grammar book (xml and ? and > and so on) scare the heck out of me.

And now they have cost me precious sleep, a minor tiff with my husband, and worst of all, my sanity. All I wanted was a red blog. I wanted it to fit with the season and I didn't need anything too fancy. I didn't want dancing reindeer. I only wanted a little red and an updated picture of Pink.

Instead I had all of my information erased. Ahhh, the beauty of computers.

Paper isn't smarter than I am. It doesn't burn up and turn to ash, destroying my work in seconds, simply because I didn't understand the encoding of the paper. It's a piece of frickin' tree. I can't believe I just typed frickin' and I'm putting it out there in cyberspace.

My computer, however, seems to relish is relative intelligence. And so my painstakingly developed blog is on the fritz. And I have no desire to post any of the good stuff I was waiting on, when my "paper" is so horribly ugly (and secretly laughing at me).

So when I have enough patience to not throw this keyboard through the window, I will try to change the look and publish something a little less bitter.

For now, I'll watch the computer-bashing scene from Office Space and pretend it's me hitting and kicking the heck out of the thing that stole my sleep, marital harmony (though only for a few minutes), and sanity.

Ha! When I went to post this message, it didn't like the way I originally wrote computer jargon. So what you read in the first paragraph was a modified version of the signs, symbols, and letters I originally wrote. It's still laughing at me!

Have you seen my voice?

Do you remember when you were 12 and you knew that you knew who you really were? Why does any 12 year old girl think she knows everything about herself? And then you hit 18 and someone gave you a piece of paper with official words about studying for four years or something, you spent one summer being a graduate, and you tried playing the "KIT" game with friends left and right; then you knew that you had finally discovered yourself. That 12 year old? She obviously didn't know what she was talking about. But YOU did because you were, after all, 18. And all 18 year olds know everything. Everyone knows that.

Then you hit your mid-twenties and realized you knew nothing. If you're really lucky, you've already passed that oh-so-glorious birthday (30) in which you realize time really does pass by and you can start to understand who you were created to be. Things start to come into focus. I suppose that the lenses of life continue to focus as we age, and that we truly do know more and more about who we are as we age. I can only imagine how foolish this 31 year-old will seem to 50 year-old me one day.

In blogging years (the formula is similar to the one used to calculate doggie years, but way to complicated for me to explain, so just trust me), I'm around 12. What does that mean? I'm struggling with my blogity voice! Who am I? In blog terms, am I a wife first or a mom first? Or just a woman first? Or a working mom first? Do I focus on pics of Pink to share with family members? Do I drone on about my day-to-day life or put forth philosophical ideals (you'd better hope it's not the latter)? See my dilemma? So for all of you who have figured out your bloggity voice, be patient with the little 12 year olds around blogosphere who are still slouching with braces, bangs bigger than their head, pegged pant legs, and sleeves that won't stay rolled up. I'll grow up soon enough.

Double digits, here I come!

I have a counter! Check it out in all it's pathetically low glory. So I realize that it's a little sad right now, but eventually, in like, 10 years, it should be a respectable number. Maybe sooner? And I sort of like the idea of making progress slowly; it's refreshing.

I've learned two things about myself since I started this blog in the middle of a sleepless night: I was right about myself not being much of a blogger (can't seem to remember to post), and I'm not much for writing in the voice of a person who actually exists (namely my daughter). I so adored the blogs I found that were written in the voice of the child/baby, but it's not me. So this page about our family will be written and signed by Yours Truly. I will attempt to make some kind of habit of getting online and I'm really excited to see the blogs of all of our friends. Kids grow up so fast and it's fun to see them grow! In that spirit, here is a favorite recent pic of my little darling and my man. Just kidding, they're still in the camera. I'll download and put a pic up soon. Promise!

What does the 3am hour yield?

Well, today it yields a blog page. Who knew? I really is 3am, and I really have been up since midnight, on the computer since 2, stumbling upon blogs that friends had which I had never seen before! Thanks Larissa, Miranda, Dilenna, Melissa, and Heidi, for the adorable pages and inspiration! Next time I work out so hard my muscles hurt too much to sleep, I'll tough it out before taking Excedrin (the only thing I could find in the dark), which has caffeine in it!