the silence is over!

I can finally talk about this, the newest little one in our life. We're so glad she's here!

well THAT was interesting

I'd set myself up, for sure, but after years and years of the same user name and password for everything but banking, my email was finally hijacked. Everything was changed, so I couldn't get in for about a week. And because it's my login for blogger, too, I couldn't come here, either. But we're back in business after only several headaches to get things back in order.

While I was out:
Lizzie's first tooth peeked through the gum on the evening of my birthday, which helped to make up for the fact that she screamed all day on my b-day (also my first day at home for the summer).

The most excited flower girl in the world loved being in the wedding, and in the end, relinquished her position as the groom's top girl to the bride, transferring her affections for the groom to the little ring bearer. All was right in the end. Except that I forgot the camera, and we took only one quick family photo the entire day, even though fully one half of our family was in the wedding. But I did remember the extra pair of tights, so I'm not all that bad. And surely there was a photo of her taken by someone, somewhere.

Lizzie finally embraced eating food after looking lustfully at ours for months now. After over a month of consistently trying to get her to take bites of cereal, she's now excited about being a big girl and impatient if I take too many of my own bites in between hers.

Pink learned how to insult her daddy:
"Daddy, did you just toot?"
"Yes."
"I don't like the smell of your toots."
"Well, don't smell it then."
"Well, it comes towards me!"

School ended, graduation went off without a hitch, mama has done fully 8 loads of laundry and cleaned 2 bathrooms, and we are well into our obsessive summer fruit eating and freezing. So really, the usual.

Thanks for stickin around.

it's been a big week around here

Monday: A student whose dad's cancer was taking a turn for the worse informed me that his dad is now getting better. My own dad died shortly after my sister's graduation, so this was an emotional high.

Tuesday: There were too many stories to tell about my seniors who completed their mock interviews that day with community members. Many were "hired" on the spot. There was a lot of high-fiving that day. One student, who was failing until the end, came to me and thanked me for calling her mom about the 'F' in my class. She said that her mom yelling at her, and knowing that I had cared enough to call, was exactly what she needed to get her you-know-what in gear and do the work necessary to pass my class. She will now graduate, and she actually thanked me for getting her iin trouble!

Wednesday: Pink had her very first haircut of any kind (I've never even so much as trimmed one stray hair). She went to my normal salon and my normal guy did her hair. She's been a big girl for a while now, but it felt official yesterday.
ALSO, Lizzie "crawled"! She can now move to both sides, backward, AND forward! She does this thing where she lifts up her knees, plants her heels on the floor, and dives toward the ground to move forward. And the girl is practically unstoppable now.

Thursday (today): I have said my piece to all 100 of my seniors, signed stacks of yearbooks, handed back final exam results, and given out final grades. I have hugged, high-fived, and patted on the back. After a year of pushing, prodding, and pulling, and after having a 40% failure rate in one class just two months ago, I was able to tell every single one of my students, "Congrats! See you next week at graduation!" My heart is swelled with emotion.

Friday: We leave for a long drive to Phoenix, where Beloved will be the most handsome groomsman that ever lived, and Pink will be the most excited little flower girl that ever lived. Plus, we get to see my brother & sister-in-law's new house (first time buyers - exciting!), and meet our new niece, Katelyn.

And somehow, after an emotional week of successes & triumphs & life changes, I will do my best to not be in a puddle of tears on Sunday night when I watch 2 of my favorite people walk down a church aisle. No promises, though.

genes

I wish i could take credit for this:


But alas, that beautiful stream of soft, golden curls hails from Beloved's side of the fam. From his brothers, no less. No, I can't lay claim to that.

But THIS?


100% me.

how do you say goodbye?

It was pouring rain that Sunday in February when we laid our eyes on a sweet, brown-eyed girl. We went in search of a puppy to add to our household, and we found baby #1. She rode home on my lap in the backseat of our SUV, all wet and shy. She'd come from a home with approximately 100 dogs, so we started trying to guess which breeds she had in her: Chow Chow for sure (she has a purple tongue), perhaps some of the German Shepherd I'd dreamed about as a child, some boxer maybe...

That was five years ago.

Keiko fit into our family in no time, flat. She was our travel dog when we took car trips, she was our trail dog when we went hiking, and she was our water dog when we went to the bay or beach. She was always nervous on the waverunner but her love for and devotion to us were so fierce that she couldn't help but tag along.

When we had Pink, Keiko lost her place as #1 baby. In all honesty, it became a struggle (at times a huge struggle) to fit her in to a baby/toddler routine in a cramped condo. The morning and evening walks weren't bonding time as much as they were another chore to be accomplished in the midst of a busy schedule. But even when I wanted to find another home for her, desperate to take away the burden of regularly caring for her, my heart was grieved that we had lost the glory days with her.

Last night, we watched as a red Ford Ranger disappeared into a sea of traffic with our brown-eyed girl inside. She is moving in with my brother and sister-in-law in their new house in Phoenix. She will be better for it. They will be better for it. We will be better for it. Even Pink, who reminds us regularly, "But, I will miss her," will be better for it. Somehow. Right now, it just feels raw, like we somehow lost that baby #1 and became a family who didn't deserve her, and I'm sad that we can't have her back. We could, of course, if we moved to a pet-friendly apartment and changed our schedules around quite a bit. Or if we had a house with a yard. But really, she will be better because of the change and the new family who will love on her as she needs. And we will focus on what lies ahead with two girls and two working parents.

It was sunny and beautiful the day we gave her up.

How poetic that the weather was just as ironic the day she found her way into our hearts as it was the day we let her go.

a niece is born

We have our first niece on Beloved's side, as of 4:28 Eastern time today. Autumn Grace, welcome to the world. We're so glad you're here.



And if you know us and you're wondering what niece we have on my side, well, she's right here.

i'm giving thanks

We finally got Pink to bed at 11 last night. When I went in to say goodnight, she asked to see her sister. Beloved started to let Pink kiss Lizzie, but instead placed Lizzie in the arms of her big sister. The crying newborn settled in immediately, nuzzling in the crook of Pink's arm, soothing at Pink's shhhhh, and melting under Pink's gentle pats. And in less than a minute, Lizzie was asleep in Pink's arms.

Pink wore the most satisfied smile I think I've ever seen on her.

And our hearts just broke in two.

hostin' the in-laws, 21st century style

Round 1
1. Plan a healthy, well-balanced, easy-to-prepare meal
2. Establish time perameters
3. Welcome in-laws in the door
4. Thank mother-in-law for preparing a yummy salad and assign her the task of grating cheese
5. Have mother-in-law set the table
6. Chit chat about how wonderful your offspring is while dinner finishes cooking
7. Call everyone to dinner, eat, and keep offspring under control temporarily
8. Welcome father-in-law (aka mother-in-law's ex-husband, who was making a last minute visit) in the door, early, while mother-in-law scurries into the kitchen to do dishes
9. Send father-in-law outside to play with offspring for a while and then finish dinner conversation with mother-in-law
10. Say goodbye to mother-in-law

Round 2
1. Welcome father-in-law in the door again
2. Finish clearing table from dinner with mother-in-law
3. Reset table with new dishes and napkins for father-in-law
4. Reheat dinner
5. Make up plate for father-in-law & call everyone to dinner
6. Watch father-in-law eat, chat with him, and keep offspring under control again
7. Clear the table again
8. Say goodnight to all, go to bed, and crash from the exhaustion brought on by 21st century in-law hosting.

this is it

I've come to the conclusion that all I really need in life is a live-in nanny in the form of my sister, who would of course take regular breaks to go live elsewhere for a couple days when we need family alone time, but would otherwise just want to do things for us.

As I'm catching up on blogging and email and just overall being lazy, she's cooking the dinner we requested.

She also kept Pink awake in the car earlier to ensure a nice long nap at home.

And she's done more than her share of dishes.

And when I was really craving something to drink other than water last night, she ran to the store to buy margarita mix so I could enjoy a frozen concoction with my dinner.

And tomorrow she's taking Pink on a date for a few hours so I can pack up lots of boxes to prepare for our upcoming move.

And then after we all eat lunch and Pink goes down for a nap, she's making me a latte to sip in my bubble bath, which will be followed by my b-day present: a one hour massage (nice to be related to a massage therapist).

Yes, I think a live-in nanny will do quite nicely.

we're thankful...

...that this little girl was born in a country where her parents are free to teach her about the love of Jesus

...that she prays to him, and we don't worry that someone will overhear and then impose dire consequences

...that we have the means to celebrate tonight with a picnic dinner, a concert, and fireworks

...that the little one I'm carrying isn't breaking some kind of government regulation on reproduction

...that we will be free to choose the schools our children attend

...that I still get goosebumps & tears whenever members of the military, past or present, are recognized

...that there will be parades all over the country where soldiers will march, and that they will receive the honor of standing ovations and salutes.

...that Beloved is here at home with us and not off fighting somewhere

friends

I’ve read a few blogs lately that expressed gratitude for friendships. Now it’s my turn.

Within a month, we had several doctor’s visits, 5 infections of various sorts, & lots of sickness treatment for asthmatic Pink. We emptied out our kitchen completely twice, moved out of our house for 24 hours twice, completed a fantastic lay counselor training, attended small group sporadically, and worked full time. All this during my first trimester.

Through it all, we received emails, phone calls, and blog comments for encouragement. We received dinner three (3!) times, and it was very yummy every time. (Dilenna, I’m sorry I still have your pan; Jane, I’m sorry I still have your Tupperware). We have had Pink watched when daycare wasn’t available. And mostly we have been covered in prayer.

Thank you, friends! We are beside ourselves with gratitude, especially since family is a long drive away.

5 years, 4 graduations, 3 big moves, 1 baby, 1 wedding, and 1 miscarriage later...

we still miss you. We still wish you were here. It still hurts. Our breath still escapes us, tears still sometimes fall, and we still find ourselves wondering how so much life has passed without the one man we thought would somehow never leave. We still look around and say "I wish dad could (see/hear/experience) this." Only now the sweet mixes with, and usually overpowers, the bitter. Joy did come in the morning. And in a way you never did leave us.


We still love you, dad.














I gave this card to my dad for his birthday the year before he died. A few months later he gave it back to me for mine.

Wishing you were somehow here again

November 22, 1987

walking through the valley, blindfolded

All sorts of songs and verses come to mind as I think about my current situation. Another pregnancy, but not another baby. At least not until heaven. And even more space between Pink and the sibling we wanted to be close in age to her. And an empty womb and an empty picture frame that was prepared and labeled with "fill with newborn picture on Father's Day, 2009." And aching hearts.

And yet as I stand on this road begrudgingly, I know that to embrace it is to embrace the road that God hand-picked for us to walk, allowing the sin of this world to take away our little one before we could hold him/her. I know that trusting in God and serving him, being "called according to his purpose," is the only way to be on the receiving end of his promise of working "all things together for good for those who love him." We are called, and we love him, and so we trust him. He, being God, is trustworthy. So we trust him when we ache. We trust him when we feel numb. We trust him when Pink acts up because mama and dada are so out of sorts. We trust him when we look around and realize that baby gear is not in our immediate future the way we thought it was. We trust him when it's hard to talk to people. We trust him when we are tired of making phone calls to deliver what was supposed to be good news. We trust him with our anger, our denial, our bitterness, our sorrow, our pain, our frustration, our confusion.

Through it all, we know that God is God. Truth is still truth. And the blindfold is there only for our own good, as God reveals his purposes and his desires little by little. And that has to be enough for now, until we get to heaven.

Incidentally, I'm thankful that he/she has a grandpa and three uncles to welcome him/her. They are together, and we wait to join them.

I've been tagged

My friend Kelli tagged me in her blog and now I'm supposed to write about 10 things my husband loves. So here goes:

10) Pats. Not my brother (though he's pretty high on the list, too), but the touch. His mom patted the heck out of him when we was young and that's a top way he feels loved.
9) All tractors that are green and yellow.
8) Looking up random stuff on You Tube for hours on end.
7) Taking care of things around the house. He's Mr. Fix-it.
6) Quiet, peaceful dinners. I didn't know this about him until someone little turned our dinners into a place for mayhem.
5) Play time with things that move (poor guy sold all his things that go vroom so he doesn't get to take advantage of this very often anymore)
4) Food. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Extravagant or plain, spicy or bland, he doesn't care. As long as it's edible.
3) Pink (the girl, not so much the color, unless it's on her or on me)
2) Me

And the number one thing he loves...
1) Getting reactions out of me. At times this might move down to number 3, but on most days, this is at least tied with, if not ahead of, his love for his girls. Which makes me laugh while it drives me crazy.

And now I'm tagging Jane, Dilenna, and Miranda. You're it!

a little somthing left behind

My sister-in-law! loves! EXCLAMATION POINTS! So much that she should marry! them! Truly! She's obsessed! And that is just fine! Except that! I'm! a! chameleon! Which means that I! have blended in! with her use! of exclamation points! And if I could get my computer! to accommodate! me! all these enthusiastic! exclamation points! would have little circles! where the dots go!

These little circly! exclamation! points! are everywhere in my life! now! As in the box on my calendar! that reads, "Pink's Party Day!" or "Couples Night Out!" or "Female Dr. Visit for mama!" ok, not the last one! But the others are honest-to-goodness!cross-my-heart!100% true! Bless her sweet, fun heart! Her exclamation points have even taken! over! my thoughts! And I for one! believe in something! called a declarative! sentence! You know the kind?! with a period! at the end!

We miss you, Joy, we really do! But don't worry! A piece of you! remains! everytime! I! think! in these! crazy! exclamation! points! Ding! Ding!

Surprise!

We managed to pull off a surprise visit to see Grandpa, Uncle PatPat, and An Liss in Phoenix last weekend. It was a fun and much-need trip. Pink talked about going to see them all week, saying things like "see. papa. house. phoenix. show papa. peek-a-boo" and "see patpat an liss house phoenix."

She got to ride on (and be terrified of) grandpa's tractor. I mean, John Deere 1941 Model B tractor (sorry, babe). Technically, Pink was scared of the engine. In that cluttered barn the thing wasn't going anywhere. And she did really fun things with grandpa, too, like feeding the birds in the morning.
















Then we headed to Pat & Liz's house. This very humble staircase inspried Pink to recite one of her fav lines from The Little Engine that Could: up, up, up, faster, faster, Faster, FASTER!




















patpat we missed you!



















and Liss, too!





















Sample after sample of yummy gelato



















and a Pink-sized table























We even got to play at the Tempe Town Lake water park, ahem, wapak:






















































A good time was had by all

Adios, adieu

Saying goodbye is so hard! We've been without my bro and sis-in-law for almost two months, and without beloved's sis and bro-in-law (and our only nephew) for almost a month. And we finally feel it. Really feel it. When we want to call them and have dinner. When we want to share things. When they send us texts about their new lives. We miss having them here, at home. With us. Together.

To commemorate their joy over their new chapter in life (and ours on their behalf), some goodbye pics: