ahem

I've looked everywhere but can't find the book I just bought entitled I Used To Be So Organized. A bad sign, maybe?

one year

One year ago today, we found out about you, little Mia. I laughed so hard from shock during the ultrasound,  that the technician couldn't continue for a couple minutes: "Ooooh, looks like a BIG baby. How far along did you think you were? No idea? Well...... looks like 19 weeks, 1 day. And...... it's a girl!"

I'm beaming, thinking back on that day. We were taken aback, to be sure, but we never once regretted you.We're so very happy you've been with us for 7 whole months now! Now you:
smile often
giggle often
love your sisters passionately
sit up (at 6 months almost to the exact day)
have started to assert when you don't like something being taken away from you
love peaches and pears and yogurt, which means you must be a member of this family
look so much like your oldest sister, and yet you're so obviously your own person
wake up with cooing
eat like a growing boy - really, you're chunkin' up lately
roll everywhere to get around
are thinking about crawling, but then you just roll instead
have such a bright & sunny personality and bright, happy eyes that strangers stop to tell us that
like pretty much everyone
have the cutest little cough when you're sick (which is right now). sorry, sweetie, but you do

We looked and looked for a name that meant "surprise" as we prepared for your birth, but somehow there aren't many out there, and none that we liked. However, you'll always be my all-time favorite surprise. Happy one year anniversary!

it's good to be home

at school again, with kids who can't pass the high school exit exam. We've got a lot of work to do before they take it again in November, as evidenced by this:

"A Historical figure I would his interesting to meet is Pearl Harbor."

uh huh.

not that i've blogged much lately, but...

I may be a bit quiet for a while. Within 10 days, starting last week and going through next Monday, I will have:

1)decided to give up trying to make my body provide enough milk for Mia, thus embarking on the adventure of formula for the first time as a mom,

2) moved Lizzie into a big girl bed,

3) moved Mia into the "girls dorm" with Pink & Lizzie, and away from my side at night, and

4) returned to work (with no pump! how strange! it kinda seems like that's just what I do in life)

Don't get me wrong, these are all ok things. The formula isn't a normal part of growth per se, but even that will work out just fine. I'm in new territory, needing to develop systems for budgeting for formula and keeping it on hand when we're out and about (since I've always been able to just pull over and feed a hungry baby myself). But many have done it before and I've been hooked up with tips and encouragement from my BFF, who seems to be switched with me: she resorted to formula for her first two, but has made it to nine months with #3. Mia will be fine. I will be fine. I will have less to carry to work and will be able to do more on my breaks than sit, trapped by wires and tubing, attempting to get every last ounce possible from my body.

It's natural for Mia to grow older and move from a newborn's bassinet into a crib. It's wonderful to walk into a small room with girly decor and to look in on three sleeping beauties. It's fun for all of them to share - they are loving it. It's nice not to hear her every moan and squirm all night long. It's all great stuff, really.

And I like my job. I still carry the fairytale around in my head of quitting and devoting myself here at home. But I do like my job and God has given it to me for this season in my life. I'm not very good yet at balancing work with the rest of life without feeling overwhelmed, and with 2 people in this house with relatively new dietary restrictions (wheat-free being one), I'm not looking forward to adding in making our own baked goods, but we will all get through it.

It's hard, though, to let go of feeding Mia. And that dang instinct reaches up like some kind of claw, grasping for anything that will let me hang on to feeding her myself. Logic prevails, and I'm resigned. But not without some sadness. A week ago she was sleeping by my side, eating from her mama, and I was home every day. Next week, she'll be sleeping in her crib, eating from a bottle, and I'll be gone a lot.

Sigh. So I'm going to be rather busy loving on my husband (who's been working extra hours) and my kids and preparing for 2 solid weeks of 4 sets of out-of-towners. I'll probably sulk a little bit, but mostly I'll be busy soaking in the beauty around me and giving my heart a chance to bask in the good stuff of life so the bad doesn't feel so bad. It's a big week of changes around here.

I'll be back.

out of the mouths of babes

"Mama, I was just doin' that thing in that story (she means this devotional about self-control) we read before naps where she said to have power, cuz I was mad at Lizzie and when I saw Lizzie just walkin' away I decided to just go [insert long breath here] and then I decided to put away my fight'n just like it said in the story so I didn't get mad at Lizzie."

Why can't I do it with this much ease? Mind you, within 2 minutes, before I could even crank out this post, Pink stole her sister's toy and tantalized her with crackers. But you know, she's kinda getting the idea.

bubbles bursting everywhere

Pink talks often about how when she grows up, she's going to marry daddy. Sometimes she breaks out, "But if I can't marry daddy then I'll marry Uncle PatPat," but generally she's very loyal to the main man in her life. Today, though, as she wondered if she'll be the flower girl in her friend Squeaker's wedding, and I informed her that she'll be a little old, she told me that he's going to marry his sister, Odie. "Too bad," she said, "cuz I thought I was going to marry him but he's marrying her. Now I won't have anyone to marry."

"What do you mean?"

"Cuz it's illegal to marry a dad, so I can't marry daddy." With quiet desperation in her 4 year old voice, she added, "And now I can't marry Squeaker. But who will I marry?!?! I don't have any boys in my family!"

"Oh, sweetie, who told you it's illegal to marry daddy?"

"Miss J did at school."

And that did it. I happened to like Miss J before this. I thought she was every kind of nurturing and sweet and gentle and supportive. Reason tells me Miss J is probably just as fantastic as she always was. But she told my 4 year old that it's illegal to marry her daddy, the man she's head over heels for. It's not like she'd go on believing this forever. I wasn't worried that I'd have any true competition. It's just that her little girl heart was in love and devoted and yearned for his affection, innocently wanting to spend forever with him. Now finding that her friend is taken by his sister and that she has no brothers herself, she believes that she will never marry.

It's like finding out Santa's not real, only I dare say a bit worse. Her little bubble is so burst. :( And I'm soooo not happy with Miss J. Grrrr.

possibly my favorite words ever

Lizzie, talking to Pink: EH! DA-BAY!