After 21 months of uncertainty, we finally have some direction. We now know that we are not moving 550 miles away, or 350 miles away. We know that we are not quitting our jobs here to search for jobs elsewhere. We know that we are not able to keep the condo we bought 5 years ago as a step up to the house we wanted. We know that our former daycare provider, beloved though she be, will not watch our kids anymore because she's too expensive for our new budget. We know that, as of last weekend, we are now renting a little apartment close to church, close to friends, and closer to work, and that our unit number is our favorite number: 7.
The funny thing is that my response to this varies greatly. I am emotional from the toll of job loss, home loss, daycare loss, dog loss, etc, and having pregnancy hormones through the thickest part of it didn't help. Lack of sleep doesn't help much, either. But that doesn't mean that things were always bad. I have been all over the map with my emotions: excited, adventurous, hesitant, scared, exhausted, spent, frustrated, angry, jealous, impatient, humored, ambivalent etc.
But God. 21 months ago I would have said that, as much as I'd like to think I could handle something like this, I'd probably fall flat on my face.
And then I'd eat some chocolate.
But God has been God - he's worked in both of us to grow our perseverance, and he's strengthened us when our strength was gone. When we couldn't plow through one more discussion of the options before us without just walking away from each other, one of us always hit our knees and found the perseverance to keep going and the strength to lift up the weak one. When we couldn't handle one more tantrum from Pink because our nerves were raw from the many business phone calls, the taxing discussions, the up-in-the-air quality to things, and the overall drain of life, we found the strength to love her as Christ has called us to, even when that meant seeking her forgiveness and leaning on God for reconciliation. When we had 1.5 weeks to move and had no idea what zip code we'd land in, we found the faith to walk ourselves into the office of an apartment manager and apply for an apartment that wasn't exactly what we wanted, but was exactly what God was providing.
part II to come...
2 comments:
WOW! I am praying for you and your family. I wanted to talk to you more on Thursday, and we got interrupted. I am sorry about that. I do want to get together when you have a free moment.
I'm so excited for you and so blessed to get to watch what he is doing from the side lines. I admire you ability to have God as your "first phone call" and yet I hesitate to pray for the strength to do the same- I believe he's been known to answer! Really though, watching your growth has been so encouraging. He had begun a good work and while he may never complete it here I do believe he's done more than just begin... I don't think that "woman of faith" title is so very far off.
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