uh oh

Either I’m losing it or you can just call me Abraham. I think it’s the former.

Beloved works in construction (sort of); I work in teaching. The public sector in California is beyond hurting right now because our lovely legislators are cutting like it’s going out of style. The private sector is hurting & Beloved was warned that layoffs are likely.

Here's the losing it part: I’m actually excited in a strange way for two layoff notices, a foreclosure, and a new baby to hit our home within six months. Why would I be excited? Well, because if God does all that, he must have something pretty big up his sleeve. So we’ll see just how big it is. Or how much we’re spared & blessed if we keep our jobs and our home.

choosing joy

God keeps taking away from us things that we desperately want. But as I work to let go of those things, like my idea of how far apart siblings should be spaced (2 years), he is so good to open my eyes to the beauty in the family that we have.

If this pregnancy were a year earlier like we wanted, when Pink was only 1, she probably wouldn't have come over to me as I struggled to get up off the couch, told me she was sorry I was sick, gently pulled the blanket off of me, and told me, "Mama, I help you. I take good care of you." Throughout our lunch of PB&J, she kept telling me she would take good care of me.

Now how's that for a serious benefit to a little extra spacing between Pink and her sibling?

baby comin'

That's what I had Pink tell daddy when I learned I was pregnant back in October. We had pink & blue balloons, a teddy bear, and a double picture frame with Pink's newborn photo on one side and a pink & blue announcement on the other: "Daddy, replace this card with a newborn photo on Father's Day 2009." The face of that baby is known only to God.

This time around, there is less pomp & circumstance, but no less love. In mid-October of this year, Lord willing, a little one will have many newborn pics taken of him/her, and frames all over the house will be filled.

For now, I snack on a steady diet of crackers, yogurt and PB&J, thankful that at least I know things are humming along so far at only 7.5 weeks.

And seriously, how does anyone survive a pregnancy once they've already had a baby? Last time I spent evenings on the couch. This time, though Beloved, bless his heart, takes care of dinner, I'm giving baths, tucking in, etc, etc.

This is only the beginning...

more perspective

Just as we were both really getting tired of teaching Pink about the world and we were about to just start treating her like a baby, doing everything for ourselves (much more quickly), we realized why we are devoting so much of ourselves to her training.

Someday she will enter a classroom with colorful posters and small desks and small chairs, and she will rock that room. Because she will have confidence in her ability to triumph in the face of new trials; she will have confidence in those who love her when a kid isn't nice to her at recess; she will have the skills to learn new tasks. And eventually, when she leaves our house and dances off into the world at large, she will do it graciously, with strength and character that inspire others to follow her.

So I promise to get up earlier so that she can feed herself breakfask, put on her own shoes, comb her own hair, and brush her own teeth. Even though we have to be out the door at six o'clock in the morning when it's still dark outside.

And I promise to keep putting her in time out. I promise to love on her when I've been away from her for the night, and let her stay up late to cuddle with daddy. But not too late. I promise to be patient, kind, and firm. I promise to keep the boundaries reasonable and clear.

And I promise to persist.

absolute truth, 2 year old style

I have concluded very unscientifically that the amount of time it takes Pink to fall asleep is directly proportional to the rigidity of my post-nap schedule. If, for instance, I plan to stay home, do one more load of laundry, and fix her a snack when she gets up, it will take her precisely 2 min and 34 seconds to fall asleep.

If, however, we are meeting family from across the country at Sea World and must leave by a certain time because Daddy is even taking off work for this, it will take her at least 57 min. At least.

top five

reasons why you should never "toss" an open package of coffee grounds onto the counter/stove while fighting with hubs:

5. You will spend so much time cleaning up that you won't have time to make your coffee.

4. Drinkable coffee, as opposed to dried grounds, should always be a priority on mornings when fighting with hubs.

3. Treat coffee grounds with gentleness & respect or they will pay you back by somehow finding their way into your microwave across the kitchen.

2. If you vacuum up the mess (the most expedient method) your house will smell like Starbucks every time you vacuum. Surprisingly this is not such a good thing.

And the #1 reason you should never "toss" an open package of coffee grounds onto the counter/stove while fighting with hubs:

You'll look crazy to all your cyber friends if you ever decide to blog about it.

the big picture

Sometimes it's so easy to look only at snapshots and feel like I'm in over my head with this parenting gig. I lose sight of things like "this too shall pass," and the big picture that Pink's probably going to turn out just fine.

I keep snapping at her and then having to apologize for not staying calm, and I've lost track of how many times I've said, "God, please get me through this day without screaming at this child!"

So today we cuddled with a blanket and watched Curious George together. I don't think it undid all the discipline I try to dish out, but even if it did, it gave us 30 minutes of calm, loving interaction and snuggling. It was worth it.