how to keep a straight face in front of teenagers when the baby kicks

*look outside and pretend there's drama out there

*find a student who's about to fall asleep and wake him/her up by dropping a book on his/her desk

*turn around and write a name on the board; then say, "just seeing if you're paying attention."

*return to the roll sheet and make sure you marked it correctly

*yell a threat about what will happen if students don't get to work immediately

*find a phone to confiscate

*distract yourself from a round of in-utero gymnastics by sitting down and writing a post about survival tactics for the pregnant woman in the classroom

true story.