Every day, I drop a ball somewhere.
If I'm a good teacher (my schedule, year-end projects, report cards, and needy students have demanded that of me lately) then I'm inevitably a so-so mom, not-very-good-wife, and horrible friend.
If I'm a good wife and mom, I'm a terrible teacher and pretty pathetic friend.
If I'm a good friend, I'm a decent mom, lousy wife, and embarrassingly sub-par teacher.
Throw in volunteering a few times per month, pursuing hobbies once in a while, and chasing private dreams, and this juggling act is a lost cause. Don't even get me started about trying to keep a Suzie Homemaker house that rivals the houses of most of my friends. Around here, that just doesn't happen. Because I like to SLEEP sometimes.
No matter which direction I look in life, no matter which day, balls are careening down around me, ending in a splat all over the ground in a mess I have to hurry to clean up. I end up owing apologies to people because "I was (fill in the blank with the specific juggling act)."
Is this really life? Am I doomed to living each day of my existence knowing that I'm letting important people down, that I'm failing on priorities in life, and that I'm going to have messes to clean up?
I've read articles about the "she's got it all" women who really don't have it all. These authors have argued that women who appear to have their cake and eat it, too (i.e. work, rear children, maintain friendships, involve themselves in causes, etc.) simply have pieces of their cake, but not the whole thing. Some days, these articles make me feel a bit better. Today they make me yearn for the appearance of having it all. Honestly. Right now I just wish I could fake it. I wish I could be excited for the friend who gets to hang out with the girls while I turn down social events, or at least sound excited. I wish I could get a whole new wave of energy when I come home to Beloved and the girls and that the energy would last all the way til (livin' large here, people), like, 9:00 or something. Is that too much to ask? I even have a second cup of coffee in the afternoon most days, and yet...
dropping balls is pretty much what I do. Is there anyone, anyone at all, who drops balls regularly? Anyone who even sort of understands (no fair answering yes if you don't have at least one friend you haven't called in a month, at least one basket of clean laundry sitting around, at least one bathroom that needs to be cleaned, and a husband who needs some attention)? Sigh. I'm off to drop more balls by taking my sick body straight to bed.
4 comments:
Oh my sweet friend- I'm so sorry you're discouraged. God did say that you can do all things through him- but he didn't say you could do them all at once! You are doing an amazing job with all of your four hats (okay, okay, I haven't personally witnessed the teaching skills- but I know you and your standards, which are higher than most so you failing your own standards is comprable to another teacher having a really good day). We all fall short and we ALL drop the ball- all the time. I often have more time for suzi homemaking but when I don't have more time? My priorities are way out of whack and I drop more balls than you ever have, because I have less practic juggling. There's no cure for ball dropping (how's that for an encouraging friend?). There is however grace and there is waiting on the Lord. Speand time on your knees- even time you don't have- and he will make sure that the balls that drop are unimportant ones. He created the universe- I'll bet he might hold your head high through some end of year grading, and dinner making, and sleepless nights...and still find you a moment or two to persue the dreams he placed in your heart.
Right there with you. Thank you so much for voicing this. Pretty much every sentence spoke to me. As a working mom, I struggle SO MUCH with this reality.
Oh...that is my life! I am the worst at returning phone calls!! I never do cuz I am just so tired by the end of the day. Most days Matt and i barely say "boo" to each other. And that was before Tyler came!!! You aren't alone, friend, and believe me when we say, some of us really do understand! We love you and BTW...the food is AWESOME! I'm going to be asking you for some recipes when I find time to send the email over your way! =)
Hey lady,
Did you know I keep my job some days solely because "full time" at my current gig means significantly less hours and work than "full time" at anything else I could possibly do? And still I can't do everything. There simply isn't enough time. My guess is that you're actually not dropping a lot of balls. Instead, you're letting other people rise to the occasion - which is good for them.
Thanks for the thoughtful post . . . and for always making me double check my blog to make sure I'm not the one glossing over the less attractive aspects of my life.
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