in the interest of fairness...

it must be noted that Beloved stayed home with Pink on Monday to take care of her so I could go to work and not have to call in a sub. He also lost just as much sleep as I did, administered just as much medication, sat with us in Urgent Care for two hours on Sunday afternoon, and is completely devoted and helpful. Lest I sound like an ungrateful complainer after my rant yesterday. I'm quite blessed to have him.

um, i love you too?

I spend three nights awake all night long, with only a couple hours of sleep each night. I lovingly reassure Pink that I love her while I fight every one of her 38 lbs to stay still and administer countless doses of inhalers, motrin, ear drops, and bubble gum medicine through shrieks. I call up Grammy during a dinner-time tantrum and have Grammy put Minnie Mouse on the phone to cheer her up. I patiently redirect her when she loses her focus 18 times while cleaning up her toys at the end of a very long day, knowing that she's too sick for timeouts right now. I distract her in the middle of a senseless tantrum with a game of "where'd the binky go?" when she desperately needs to calm down and go to sleep. And what do I get in return?

"Mama, can dada cuddle snuggle wif me?"

After I say, "Sure, sweetie, can mama snuggle, too?" she says to me, the woman who has been making daily sacrifices for her since about eight months before she was born,

"No, get out of bed."

I love you, too. And since you've cost me about 21.5 hours of sleep during the past three days, I'm going to bed and dada can have you. But first I'm going to call my mom to say sorry and thank you.

**after this forsaking episode, she asked me to rock her in my chair and sing to her. she also blew me kisses and signed "i love you" so i guess i can let things go.

the most expensive bugs ever

pest control company coming in "with guns blazin'" (I just think that's funny - it's what the guy actually said):
15 dollars

last minute hotel reservation at Embassy Suites (so she can nap, we said) because we cancelled our trip to Phoenix & couldn't return to stubborn-bug haven for 24 hours:
234 dollars

medicine for mama's stomach flu, sinus infection, and morning (all day) sickness, plus Pink's ear infection:
39 dollars

meals and emergency "I'm actually going to either vomit or pass out right NOW if you don't get me some food":
$54 dollars
(that's where the Embassy comes in handy - free, made-to-order breakfast that even a pregnant woman can appreciate)

sleep lost when a sick 2 y.o. came into bed with us from 11 til she was up and at 'em at 5:
6 hours

getting to hear the unabashed excitement while a 2 y.o. dances around, hardly able to control herself, yelling, "Guys, wook, is downtown over dere, and panes, and boats, and see downtown right dere? Guys, MOM, DAD, WOOK!!!" from our upgraded, 12th floor, city- and bay-view suite:

priceless (unless we have to spray the remaining 217 stubborn bugs, in which case we will certainly be finding some couch to sleep on somewhere and will NOT be paying 209 for a room at the Embassy Suites. but it was fun for a night)

why do we do what we do?

Why, for instance, would we plan a six-hour drive to start at the very moment that the pest control guy finishes "coming in with guns blazin'", when driving in the car makes me even more nauseous than I feel while stationary, and I have a sinus infection? Why? All in the name of a family visit and relocating (to the trash can) the little roach-wannabes that have taken up residence in our kitchen (which has to be completely emptied out, every dish, every everything, sometime between loads of laundry and packing). Why?

I'm convinced that in heaven, schedules never get too full. And since there is no sickness, road trips never involve sinus infections or nausea.

uh oh

Either I’m losing it or you can just call me Abraham. I think it’s the former.

Beloved works in construction (sort of); I work in teaching. The public sector in California is beyond hurting right now because our lovely legislators are cutting like it’s going out of style. The private sector is hurting & Beloved was warned that layoffs are likely.

Here's the losing it part: I’m actually excited in a strange way for two layoff notices, a foreclosure, and a new baby to hit our home within six months. Why would I be excited? Well, because if God does all that, he must have something pretty big up his sleeve. So we’ll see just how big it is. Or how much we’re spared & blessed if we keep our jobs and our home.

choosing joy

God keeps taking away from us things that we desperately want. But as I work to let go of those things, like my idea of how far apart siblings should be spaced (2 years), he is so good to open my eyes to the beauty in the family that we have.

If this pregnancy were a year earlier like we wanted, when Pink was only 1, she probably wouldn't have come over to me as I struggled to get up off the couch, told me she was sorry I was sick, gently pulled the blanket off of me, and told me, "Mama, I help you. I take good care of you." Throughout our lunch of PB&J, she kept telling me she would take good care of me.

Now how's that for a serious benefit to a little extra spacing between Pink and her sibling?

baby comin'

That's what I had Pink tell daddy when I learned I was pregnant back in October. We had pink & blue balloons, a teddy bear, and a double picture frame with Pink's newborn photo on one side and a pink & blue announcement on the other: "Daddy, replace this card with a newborn photo on Father's Day 2009." The face of that baby is known only to God.

This time around, there is less pomp & circumstance, but no less love. In mid-October of this year, Lord willing, a little one will have many newborn pics taken of him/her, and frames all over the house will be filled.

For now, I snack on a steady diet of crackers, yogurt and PB&J, thankful that at least I know things are humming along so far at only 7.5 weeks.

And seriously, how does anyone survive a pregnancy once they've already had a baby? Last time I spent evenings on the couch. This time, though Beloved, bless his heart, takes care of dinner, I'm giving baths, tucking in, etc, etc.

This is only the beginning...