All sorts of songs and verses come to mind as I think about my current situation. Another pregnancy, but not another baby. At least not until heaven. And even more space between Pink and the sibling we wanted to be close in age to her. And an empty womb and an empty picture frame that was prepared and labeled with "fill with newborn picture on Father's Day, 2009." And aching hearts.
And yet as I stand on this road begrudgingly, I know that to embrace it is to embrace the road that God hand-picked for us to walk, allowing the sin of this world to take away our little one before we could hold him/her. I know that trusting in God and serving him, being "called according to his purpose," is the only way to be on the receiving end of his promise of working "all things together for good for those who love him." We are called, and we love him, and so we trust him. He, being God, is trustworthy. So we trust him when we ache. We trust him when we feel numb. We trust him when Pink acts up because mama and dada are so out of sorts. We trust him when we look around and realize that baby gear is not in our immediate future the way we thought it was. We trust him when it's hard to talk to people. We trust him when we are tired of making phone calls to deliver what was supposed to be good news. We trust him with our anger, our denial, our bitterness, our sorrow, our pain, our frustration, our confusion.
Through it all, we know that God is God. Truth is still truth. And the blindfold is there only for our own good, as God reveals his purposes and his desires little by little. And that has to be enough for now, until we get to heaven.
Incidentally, I'm thankful that he/she has a grandpa and three uncles to welcome him/her. They are together, and we wait to join them.
6 comments:
One day at a time. Your sorrow will turn to joy. I promise because I've been there.
Thanks, Mel. :)
...blessed be his name, on the road marked with suffering...How joyful I am that in the midst of any situation truth IS still truth and God is still God. Your trust is a blessing to behold.
I'm praying that the morning comes quickly for you and that God will finish the great work that he has begun in you.
I'm so sorry Jen.
"Then God remembered Rachel, and God gave heed to her and opened her womb." (Gen 30:22)
This was a comfort to me - though in different circumstances.
We are praying. I understand...I am there too! I too am holding on for dear life to God's purpose. We love you!
I am so so sorry. I just want to say that your are inspiring to me, and this post is beautifully written. God bless you and comfort you, I pray.
Post a Comment